100 Days Of Awe: Day Ninety Four – Now You See Me

Day 94: Now You See MeIMAG5236It was a day of glimpses; magical sightings that I wasn’t able to catch on my camera.  First up this morning in the tree outside my window a large tawney mottled bird with a kerchef of red.  I immediately thought woodpecker though I have no idea how I would know that.  It wasn’t like this bird did any pecking.  Looking it up on the internet the closest I got was a Flicker which is indeed a member of the woodpecker family although a native of North America, rather than Britain.  Perhaps I was muddled and I saw a Greater Spotted Woodpecker or a Green Woodpecker but the red markings and the tawney mottled markings seemed different from the Greater Spotted and more distinctive than the Green Woodpecker.  My second glimpse was also a bird, a seagull.  They are regular visitors on the scrubs belieing our closeness to the sea in this city but it did seem out of place tagging me on my bicycle down Golborne Road at eyeball height.  A powerful glide and a steep curved decceleration to land perfectly in front of Golborne Fisheries and cast a beady eye about for a bit of pelagic delight.  And finally my ghost cat; chubby and a shimmering white in my gloaming stroll, she played up to my photo shoot while rubbing and rollicking for attention.

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you or your business please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

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100 Days Of Awe: Day Ninety Three – Reflections

Day 93: Reflections

IMAG5161“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?” ~ Albert Camus

I knew this photo I took last week had a story to tell.  I didn’t realise it would be story about suicide.  I am glad that it was Albert Camus that posited the choice between suicide and coffee.  I don’t think I would have been brave enough to articulate my experience of dipping into suicidal waters in this way if he had not gone before me.  Suicide is not a subject to be touched lightly and I apologise in advance if anything I have to say appears frivolous or callous.

I assured myself that any contemplation of suicide on my part was dramatic posturing even though all the drama occurs in the privacy of my own head.  Over the years I have got used to the comings and goings of my inner drama queen; cue enter stage with a flounce and a huff  ‘WHAT is the point?‘ wail, ‘What have I got to live for?‘ gnash, ‘Look at all my failures’ followed by the a list of the ‘specials’ of the day and more wailing and more gnashing.  This little scene may be a matter of minutes or hours with variations on a theme.  On occasion it is a long rehearsal spanning days or weeks.  It is not a great place to be and there was a time when I believed this character that I was playing and wondered if I should be honourable and follow through.

I managed to ride the cycle without mishap until a raw conversation with Laura Kenyon*, an insightful homeopath, about 18 years ago now.  I knew I had to talk to someone about these feelings.  She gave me a perspective that has served me to take the charge out of this recurring drama.  She suggested to me that I was in reaction to the impact of circumstances beyond my control, that when life is not playing out as I would like there is a part of me that looks for something to take control of and comes up with this whole notion of taking myself out of life.  In this space I assume that my true value and right to be in life is predicated by external validation.  I observed the truth of what she said then and I see it each time this drama comes up.  I do not suggest that this is the same for everyone.

When I ask myself is this what I want to believe my answer is no.  I refuse to accept it as true.  Now this drama is a hook that allows me to acknowledge that life is not playing out in a way that gives me external acknowledgement or love.  Yes it feels real and if I am unwell or exhausted it is even more intense; I prefer to stand well back on the tube platform and avoid heights and knives.  I can see that suicide could just be a choice away – as easy as will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee? –  but the choice I make is to wake up and smell the coffee; to choose my heart and what I love in that moment, in the simplest of things.  I know now that there will be other times when I will face that question and have to make a choice. I don’t intend to take myself out but if I do please no angst for me , how could anyone expect to be there for me in that slow motion minute of that choice.

I have no idea whether my experience is true for everyone but in the past week I have had two conversations about suicide.  One with a friend who told me how they struggled with suicidal thoughts after a litany of financial failings and then suddenly realised that these thoughts were a control strategy.  With that realisation he was able to turn his life around, to stop his striving for financial success, to be and embrace the love he already had in his life.  Things are not easy but he loves his life, the work that he does and the freedom from working like a hound from hell.  The second conversation was with a friend whose partner committed suicide a few years ago.  It was a conversation we had never had, one in which my personal insights seem trite and irrelevant.  All I could do was listen.

I want to emphasis that what I share here is but a shard in the big picture.  I think there are as many different relationships with life and death as there are unique human beings.  All I write about here is what I am perceiving from the bunker of my reality.

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you or your business please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

*Laura practises at a number of clinics in London and the South East.

100 Days Of Awe: Day Ninety Two – Picnic Sunday

Day 92: Picnic Sunday

IMAG5206Kew Road slices through the northern tip of Kew Green.  Like a knife skinning a finger; superflous perhaps in the big scheme of green that is the Royal Botanic Gardens this little triangle, a flat beige flap of the map is the destination for our Sunday afternoon picnic.  In real life it green and despite the arterial traffic trundling through it has the hall marks of a country village.  The fair is in town and on the other side of the road the cricketeers are at the stumps.  The Greyhound with its mock-tudor exterior and leaded windows reminiscent of bygone time.  And then in the topmost tippiest corner Kew Pond, a place that would have done Ophelia proud, and appropriate as it used to be a mooring place for King Henry VIII’s barge.  The pond used to be a tidal pond filled from the Thames once a month on a particularly high tide.  Nowadays it has to be filled manually once a month and this is the work of The Friends Of Kew Pond.  A little corner of bucolic England the reedbeds are a draw for water birds including a clutch of cygnets the archetypal ugly ducklings, spiky, gangly and blending in to the mud.

IMAG5203I got very excited about this picnic and I had an urge to cook.  It has been a long winter and Summer  slow in coming.  Solstice weekend and still we wondered if the weather will hold.  Fortunately it did, not the brighest of days but warm enough for sitting outside.  The occasion-  a friend heading off on an adventure to Costa Rica.  I thoroughly enjoyed Sunday morning listening to The Archers and Judy Murray on Desert Island Discs while pottering away with potatoes to make potato salad and a tortilla variation.  With about 12+ turning up there was a cornucopia of food covering all tastes and delights with a special favorite of mine ginger beer.  It really was a wonderful picnic and I caught a beautiful sky as the sun slipped down over the playing fields at Latymer Upper School.

IMAG5212100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you or your business please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

100 Days Of Awe: Day Ninety One – Trellick Tower

Day 91: Trellick Tower

IMAG5175Trellick Tower stretches 31 stories into the North Kensington skyline.  It is a fascinating building and long before I realised that this was a famous and listed building it captured my attention in a strange twisted way; it has an ugly beauty, a beautiful ugliness, proud and tall, imposing and belligerent, unapologetic against the horizon at the end of Golborne Road and an example of what is known as brutalist architecture by Erno Goldfinger who was immortalised by Ian Fleming in his James Bond series.

At the end of a muggy mixed day the sun called me down to the closing Saturday markets of Portobello where I followed the salty whisper of Georges to a hot, bag of fresh ripped chips.  In the bright blue evening the Tower didn’t look quite so imposing or brutal. There was a quiet huddle of police and ambulance that had a sense of permanence rather than drama, detached curiousity led me past to Meanwhile Gardens skirting the canal and into Kensal Road.  Here, between the canal and the main line rail into Paddington,  is a nest of roads that I had never wandered before; modern functional low rise architecture benign in contrast to Trellick Tower, mixed with older Victorian cottage style housing and a couple of big old corner pubs now defunct.  This area was first recorded as Kensal New Town in 1876.  It was occupied by Irish immigrants and home of the bulldog dealer Bill George.   The traditional starting point for the Notting Hill Carnival is also found here in the Emslie Horniman’s Pleasance Park with its arts and crafts style Voysey walled garden, a flood lit sports area and a rather space age children’s play ground. A little pocket of London to open up my eyes while I was eating my chips.  On the way back home the quiet huddle of emergency services was still in place under the canopy of the tower, strangely somnulent and inert.

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you or your business please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

100 Days Of Awe: Day Ninety – Rats

Day 90: RatsIMAG5148

I love dis great polluted place
Where pop stars come to live their dreams
Here ravers come for drum and bass
And politicians plan their schemes,
The music of the world is here
Dis city can play any song
They came to here from everywhere
Tis they that made dis city strong.

Benjamin Zephenia – The London Breed 1998

I first came across the Musuem Of London a few weeks ago when I attended a workshop on story called Stories in Action workshop.   This short visit was a tantalising taster and I wanted to see more.   Back in the East End today I only had about 45 minutes between one meeting in Bethnal Green and a train to a late lunch in Twickenham but it was enough to take a very brisk way through 450,000 years of history from London Before London, through to Modern London.  Each of the Permanent Galleries are wonderfully curated full of educational facts, curious artifacts and creative displays that capture the imagination.  I weave my way through little people, in school groups or in families. For a museum it is alive with cacophony of squeals and excited voices rather than the floating silence of dusty archives.  And then there were the rats, where I least expected it in The British Fashion Council’s exhibit NEWGEN MEN – a sponsorship scheme. Featuring work by Agi and Sam, Astrid Andersen, Alex Mullins, Diego Vanassibara, Kit Neale and Matthew Miller.  It was Kit Neale’s work that got me to look again.  Yes there were rats everywhere. An intentional homage to London; Peckham and the largely run down and dated Elephant & Castle.  Food for thought if not for lunch.

Agi & Sam, Astrid Andersen, Alex Mullins, Diego Vanassibara, Kit Neale and Matthew Miller. – See more at: http://www.museumoflondon.org.uk/london-wall/whats-on/exhibitions-displays/newgen-men-2014/#sthash.TesMc1I2.dpuf

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you or your business please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

100 Days Of Awe: Day Eighty Nine – Nature’s Fabric

Day 89: Nature’s Fabric IMAG5105IMAG5116It is hard to take a picture of Sweet Pea that does this flower justice.  It’s petals are artfully folded to look casual, flounced and pouting, it’s symmetry a multi-dimensional mystery.  The petals are ideal material for the dancing dresses of pixies and elves, soft veined and velvety, curved edging beautifully finished.  Picked last night on my walk on the scrubs a bright pink smile for the morning and a beckoning into a little bit of nature’s magic to balance of my day of down to it doing.

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.

100 Days Of Awe: Day Eighty Eight – Big Sky Breather

Day 88: Big Sky Breather

IMAG5098Wormwood Scrubs

Phew, a relief to get out of the minutae of my life for a moment and dealing with the slow sluggishness of pushing and pulling data up and down the internet line.  What did I ever do before internet.  There is a plethora of stuff to surf; photos to photoshop, job sites to check out, job applications to formulate and stuff to research.  It sucks me in.  We have Summer but we don’t have sun, a warm mugginess that is plagued with drafty holes.  It is weird weather indeed.

I have been under a pall a little today digesting Cancer news from a lovely friend last night; not able to really comprehend that wormhole but feeling the teetering of it, for her, for me, for the future.  But all there is now for all of us and in this moment the choice to be alive to life.  It a soft feather of a place poised, balanced and then lightened up by one of those friendships that no matter how long they are put down for just slide into a groove of exchange and support whenever they are picked up.  In that place something else comes through, an energy, a joy and oozing of breathe.  Despite the evening closing in I am drawn up to Wormwood Scrubs, the wide open expansive of playing fields a table cloth under this illusion of big, big sky dotted by sea gulls and crows on their evening passegiata.  The green parakeets seem to be already tucked up for the night. and the usual westward bound aircraft traffic replaced with lift offs to exotic places.  Night night London Town.

100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect.  I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort.  I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.

Anne K. Scott is an imagination technologist, her work to teach, facilitate and deliver innovation for individuals and business.  She is the creator of FindYourMojo a FREE iPHone productivity app. If you are interested in what intuitive coaching can do for you please do contact me.  I support clients all over the world.