Day 47: Up, Up & Away
Thursday was a strange day; weird strange not funny strange. I was in hospital the day before for a benchmark ultrasound before starting HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) treatment. but when I arrived the ultrasonographer (isnt that a mouthful?) first of all said ‘We are going to look at your baby”…..”oops”. Great to look young enough to be pregnant or then again perhaps she wasn’t looking? But equally poignant as this is an experience I have not had but had never consciously realised, until this moment, that I would like to have had and most likely will never have. Inadvertently digging her hole a little deeper she then asked ‘What is wrong with you?” before seeing eventually the detail on the appointment card identifying my visit as a benchmark scan.
A tiny and completely harmless exchange but my unconscious mind when into overdrive. Like a meerkat kicking up the dirt of thoughts and feelings of fear and death and drama into my self-conscious mind. Since I attended Alchemy 4 Success last month with William Whitecloud I have been working my new talisman overtime – as long as I am observing what is going on I have the power. I was observing and I knew that it was the little part of me that was kicking and screaming to survive, burning the rubber of worry to distract me from the real work of being a creative spirit. Knowing this was one thing but with the best will in the world I found myself resisting the sting of those pebbles of thoughts and stuck like glue into the deep throaty vibration of it all.
Slowly but surely I am realising the power of nature as a structure to bring me back to my heart, to the space and silence of innocence and not knowing so despite the wet wipes of cloying mists I headed up to Little Wormwood Shrubs where I seem to find a synchronistic gems whatever my mood. Yesterday this was the only picture I took, smudged by the cloying mists (ok ok unfocused) a clutch of winged helicopter seeds (probably a sycamore maple though the leaves look more like those of a London plane) designed for flight. It reminded me that I may not be flying high at the moment but I have the tools to create structures that are designed to propel me to higher vibrations. A good old chin wag with a girlfriend and pondering this picture I took brought me back to a sufficient equilibrium to ride the rest of the day – even the late night drama of the violent death of a key character in The Good Wife!
100 Days of Awe is a playful project I set up to bring my attention to awe in my daily life. I see awe as wonder, a mixture of amazement and respect. I expect the experience of awe to be about perception shifting awareness and that demands a reframing of some sort. I am excited to see what will awe me on this journey.